Free falling {a tale of returning to work}

I’ve lost our lovely rhythm now it’s gone, gone, gone wooooh 
{sorry to the Righteous Brothers for borrowing their tune and words here! 
It just popped into my head as I started to write}

Returning to work has been hard
Not so much the work aspect, because I am finding that enjoyable
Tackling interesting and challenging work ideas is refreshing ~ like dusting off this part of my mind and letting it dance in the wind… 
And it certainly helps that I work with enthusiastic, passionate and funny people *smile*
It is more the fact of work that is hard for me…

But as my husband rightly said to me… 
‘it’s my turn now’
 
And it is lovely that he is enjoying his day home with them
It is his day… a day to do things with them that he wants to do
It’s different having them on your own… liberating I would imagine  
And I am joyous for the kids and him that we can do this
And having the children spend days with their nanas is also special
Something that I am thankful for from my childhood… 
To have wonderful deep bonds with your grandparents is beautiful
And I just know the nanas love getting the kids in their own space, and all to themselves *smile*

So, since I am happy to be working and happy with who is caring for our children, what is the problem?

 
Mmmm, good question, but at the moment I am sad… 
My children are my priority, my reason for being,… I have poured myself into motherhood {happily so} 
But now as I have to step back, ever so slightly, it is hard
I find myself questioning my values about motherhood and parenting
I wouldn’t say I’ve lost myself to motherhood
I’ve found myself here
And yes, it is not all smooth sailing, but it is amazing
The love that flows through me for my children… for my family is awesome
And I think it has been good for me… 
celebrating their childhood has reawakened many things in me, including creativity and an appreciation for the simple things in life

I don’t want to get caught up in the bustle of getting ready for the next day
Making sure I’ve remembered all the things I need to pack for the kids 
{and oh, there are so many things!} 

I want to be able to go slowly and enjoy the moments

Instead I am rushing
Rushing to get ready, rushing to drop the kids off, rushing to work… 
Before doing the opposite at the end of the day

I need to remind myself to breathe and to come back into the moment with them
Enjoy that moment

Enjoy our nightly rhythm… the bathing, the story time, and oh, the cuddles
Remember to slow down
I feel like over the last few weeks I’ve free fallen to a hard realisation…
…that I have to reconnect on many levels with different aspects of my life
And I’m not fond of that kind of journey

And so, we will continue to find our new rhythm…. 

this too can be good… and I embrace and accept that
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5 Comments

  • Reply Kylie @ Octavia and Vicky August 4, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    I was devastated and terrified to go back to work a year and a half ago, giving up that precious time with MY BABY! Now I am grateful for it. Pebble spends precious time with her grandma and has grown so much more confident and outgoing thanks to the fabulous quality child care two days a week. We have a good balance and I also love using my skills again at work, and having a space in my life that is “mine” again.
    You and your children are so lucky to have your wonderful Hubby, what a lovely opportunity for all of you.
    Still, it’s never easy being a working mama. Hang in there x

  • Reply Amie (Triple T Mum) September 17, 2012 at 3:33 am

    Ah! The rushing…it is so anti-Waldorf, isn’t it! I hate that about the days I get called into relief. It’s a pace I just don’t gel with and children, well they are just children, not in their bodies yet so they have no concept of time and the necessity of moving things along. Just breathe, as you said. Find your new rhythm, as I know you will 🙂 And a Daddy home-maker that’s fantastic! I love how he said “Now it’s my turn”. That gives so much value to mothering, more than he knows 😉 Thank you!

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